"If loving you's a dream, that's not worth having, then why do I dream of you?"

I have been wasting my life, for so many years. It seems.
But I don't look at it as wasted time, I look at is as experiences that are unique and they've built up the me that I am today. Anyone would say I haven't accomplished much, by some mystical standards that nobody put up, yet everyone follows.
I haven't gotten a degree, I haven't traveled, I have no children, I don't even have a permanent job. Everything so far that I have tried on, I have done halfways.

But then I think, I am young still. I am 25yo, I just got married. I have finished a book that I was writing on for 8years. I've been a vegetarian for 9years, I am surrounded by friends and family. I have succeeded at life! In its purest form, cause I have, so far, done whatever I wanted. I have lived the life that small children dream of having when they grow up. I have stayed up late, eating in my bed, having candy for breakfest and told off anyone who didn't like what I was doing and stood up for what I knew in my heart was right. I am not ashamed of the years I've spent sleeping 12 hours a day. Those are the years that I needed to find myself, what I want to do and with whom. Still I can not be sure, and sometimes I curse myself for bad choices and the everyday life that eventually comes. But I regret nothing. Sometimes, I do feel ashamed for myself. Sometimes I do feel "like a dream that's not worth having." And those are the times my mind goes haywire and I don't know at all what is right and wrong and I want to do the craziest things. Mostly, cause I get trapped. And maybe, because I am scared. Cause I got a good thing going now, and most good things in the past I have destroyed.